unforgetful you.

i finally finished my prayer letter today.
i've been home for 7 months, and i just printed them out today.
i was thinking it was because of laziness. but that's not it.
it's cause it was something that hurt to do.
a huge life experience, unlike anything i've ever known...put into one page.
it seemed impossible. and even now i know that one page doesn't do my time there justice. doesn't do the work God did justice.
beautiful memories. things i love to think about. but things that create a huge longing in my heart.
cameroon.
that's where i learned more about my God and myself than ever before.
that's where i experienced the greatest community i've ever known.
that's where i met amazing, inspiring, Spirit filled people who have incredible faith.
that's where i played with beautiful children who are in need of so much love.
that's where my heart was opened.

cause it wasn't before. there was a wall. a huge, guarded, jericho sized wall that i couldn't imagine ever crumbling down. and i'd been praying so long and so hard that God would take a giant wrecking ball to me leaving nothing but pieces for Him to rebuild.
and that's where it happened. God saved me in cameroon just as much as He saved any one student that prayed to receive Christ for the first time. He renewed my heart and blessed me with the most life giving people i've ever known.

and how quickly i forget. i'm not exactly sure what it is that i'm afraid of. but i've been rebuilding that wall. one brick at a time. sometimes i let go of my fear and selfishness long enough for God to remind me of what i'm forgetting. of who i'm forgetting.

'Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.' 1peter1:3-9